People Need to Love Each Other

There’s no cooperation between people. Each man is for his own benefit not realizing that he has lost a key part of what ultimately led to our survival and vitality as a species. Forget economics, forget bartering, forget mutual benefit and reciprocation. I’m talking about pure and honest help. Wanting the other person to succeed. It seems like most people these days would rather see the person next to them fall down than grow up. We get this sadistic satisfaction from seeing other people fail. Take it to the extreme and you have gore fans, watching the Saw series and loving it. I don’t care if there’s a moral to the story or not, it’s sick, and you need to re-evaluate your personal value system if you get enjoyment out of watching people saw their limbs off.

There’s a defect in our societal genetic code that provokes us to enjoy the suffering of others. Have we always been this way? It’s obvious that the Western, individualistic, industrialized mentality has led to extreme social disconnect. An utter loss of community. No more front porches. Each person in the U.S. is too stuck to their TV, computer (ha!), education, job, or drug of choice to reach out and love the person next to them. Or to even consider the merit in stumbling along through road rage, random irritation, superiority complexes, self-esteem issues, I-am-God delusions, and unrelenting judgment to the other side where each one of us prays for the people we see on the street, worries every time we hear an ambulance, and reaches out to strangers in the smallest and largest ways. Not to say that there is an easy transition from one extreme to the other. Or that we will get there without the help of an outside source; be it therapy, God, talking to those who see the world in a different (and less negative) light, etc.

Of course, the real reason that people do not love others is because they don’t understand the importance of loving themselves. And if they do see the importance, they can’t figure out how to start embracing their flaws, mistakes, and fears. So it isn’t even so much a community problem, but an individual, psychological problem. We can’t love who we are inside, but are constantly looking toward this imaginary, ideal person that we could be if we would just try a little harder… weren’t screwed over so much… didn’t have such a bad life… had gotten a few more chances… and a laundry list of other things. And all the while, this beautiful and perfect version of ourselves continues to not exist, and the flawed, human version continues to stay stagnant. We do not grow. We do not realize that our purpose is contained within our flaws. We are meant to accept the flaws that don’t matter to our internal well-being and grow out of the ones that are holding us back.

Instead we hate ourselves and kick ourselves. The internal voice does not shut off. A constant tormentor. In my case it replaced the voice of my father, who, God love him, did not ever mean to be the killer of my self-esteem. He was trying to help me avoid the things he went through as a teenager, but the criticism that was seen as constructive to him stuck in my head as a constant reminder of my lack of worth. Not good enough. And this voice follows us into adulthood and mutates into a monster that holds us down.  We never see that the lack of self-worth is keeping us from changing the world around us. It is holding you down. It is selfishness in disguise. It is the opposite of God’s opinion of you. And this is at the root of our loss of community.

I can’t say for sure that people used to feel that they were useful to this planet, or at least useful in their immediate environment, but now people do not feel like they can accomplish anything. They feel small. They feel worthless. And if they are worthless then so is everyone else. But they add to that and say, “I can deal with my own flaws (because they are familiar), but this other person who does ____, I don’t agree with his flaws and they are obviously worse than mine, so I will dislike him and hope he fails.” Throw in disagreements when it comes to lifestyle and cultural differences and conflict is guaranteed.

But you see, if people were to start accepting their own flaws they would see that other people need acceptance too and the cultural differences wouldn’t seem to matter so much. Because when it comes down to it, I think I’m better than you and you think you’re better than me. You might disagree with me, but talk with me about a topic we have different views on and I’m willing to bet that you will take your own side. Of course we all have differing levels of this superiority complex, but it’s there nonetheless.

Any personal, moral, intellectual, and spiritual growth occurs through a humbling of our egos. In order to learn a new thing you must admit your ignorance. In order to grow you must admit that you are still developing. We are only human. But the key to my whole point here is that we are all only human. And that’s pretty much all we are. The differences don’t matter much when you break it down. The problem with humanity is that we are so caught up disagreeing, bickering, complaining, judging, and hating that we can’t see that our value judgments towards other people are keeping us from moving forward as a species.

You being a stickler in your ways does not solve any problems. It just makes you feel like you are “right”. Why is it so important to be right, especially when it is only you who thinks you are? Because when you die, no one is going to say “well at least he was always right.” They are going to say “that guy was an asshole, he wouldn’t listen to anything I had to say.” And you won’t grow as a person because growing means that you tweak your values, beliefs, and judgments to be better, more mature, less selfish.

We won’t start to make the world better and bring people closer until we stop relying on the government and media to tell us what we need to be doing with ourselves. Consumeristic capitalism intends for people to think that they are horribly inadequate. That’s the only way that we will buy all of the crap that is supposed to make us better, but does nothing but give us a temporary material fix and empty wallets. Advertising is designed to make you feel worthless. We as a society must begin to see through this and stop it by no longer voluntarily exposing ourselves to it.

You will notice that as you begin to accept yourself, you will begin to embrace the people around you. You might think it will start with family, but it will start with strangers. It is the hardest to re-wire the way you interact and think about your family because of the history you have with them, but it is possible. But you won’t be able to accept anyone else until you realize that you are worth your own time. So turn off the TV, close the beauty magazine, cut up your credit card and start discovering who you are.

~ by Alese on March 31, 2009.